A letter to my friends and family -or- Down n' out way south of Beverly Hills

It has been a while since my last post and I have been posting less frequently, I know. I decided that I would try and only make "happy" posts, but then decided that I wouldn't really be telling the whole story now, would I? So, with a very sad and humble heart I will update you on my life as it is today.

First, I believe that the harder you try, the more you believe and the more you give, open up and be honest with yourself and to those around you the world and the universe will reward you. This was my driving force in picking up, moving on and following my dream to surf and live in California. This was also why I decided to share my experiences through a blog, so that everyone could see the adventure and hopefully be inspired to someday follow your dreams as well. So, today I'll tell you how it has turned out thus far.

I write this from the public library in Encinitas, CA. The camper is parked outside, Dungee faithfully taking a nap in 'her spot' on the side couch. I have $80 to my name, no job and I am on my own.

First, the $80. How did I get to $80? Well, I moved here with juuuuust enough to squeak by. Figuring I could land fast and start building right away. I tried to make it last as long as possible, but with losing my job at Bull Taco I found myself in a rough patch.

Why didn't Bull Taco work out? I decided to work there because I wanted to be on the beach, I stayed there because I wanted to take part in building a small business. Plus, I was promised profit sharing. Seemed like a no-brainer. Taco shop on the beach? But, it was supposed to open in May, and didn't open until August. I worked faithfully and did a damn good job every day since the day we were able to open. But August is a rather shitty time to try and open a business on the beach and business began dwindling fast after Labor Day. I still plugged along faithfully as I believed in it. One day I went into work and I was told that they could no longer keep me on. The reason I was 'let go' was because I was too expensive. I was paid $10 an hour to run the entire shop on my own for 90% of my morning shift, cooking, taking orders and also making up recipes. This usually brought in $240 a week with taxes. The business never turned a profit (for reasons which I don't think I need to get into here), so I only made the hourly wage (somedays though I did make $10 in tips). So, I was fired for being a burden on the business, but I believe I was trying to save it. Such is life.

I have been sending out resumes, going on interviews and keeping my chin up since. Trying to find a job that I will both love and be able to support myself on. I tried working for the DNC, campaigning for them, as I posted about. But, this job was just a high-pressured sales job that sent me into neighborhoods at night, knocking on doors by myself and asking people for money to support the DNC. I didn't think it was necessarily a great cause (I don't believe in blanketing support for a party, but believe in supporting individuals such as OBAMA) and I mostly didn't think it was safe for a woman to be knocking on doors in strange neighborhoods by herself at night. The kind folks at Grassroots Campaigns Inc. didn't agree with me, telling me "none of the other women mind it". To Howard Dean, who is behind the organization, I say, shame on you all. So, I quit. I chose personal safetey over 30% commissions on money raised (which is what all those who work for the campaign get of the money they raise. Nice to know, eh?).

I'm still looking for a job.

Back to the camper...
We were dwindling in our shared funds, and were rescued by an air-mailed check from my lovely sister in Switzerland. I can't tell you how humbling it is to be saved by a check from your sister. Thank You to her very much.

It's not easy being poor in a camper. Especially when your whole reason for being in one is to save money to someday buy a house and you haven't saved a penny. We were getting progressively stressed out. But I honestly believed that better times were just around the corner, we just had to be strong, be there for each other and keep trying.

Last week something finally came through and Jorma was offered a good job in downtown San Diego. He started this week, just in time, and things were starting to look up. His new job offered him the ability to not only work in a loft downtown, but also to live in the loft. This morning, he has decided to no longer live with me and Dungee in the camper and to live in the loft downtown.

That is where I am at today.

I share this with all of you as 99.99% of you are my friends and relatives that read this and I humbly ask for your support, your kind words and your advice. I will be doing a lot of thinking over the next hours, days and months about what I did wrong, what I could do better and what should I do next. I come to you with an open heart and I whole-heartedly have absolutely no idea what to do next. I have been told I am good at doing things and achieving them once I've made up my mind. The problem is, I have no idea what to do. None at all.

My mind is blank, my heart is open and I welcome anything you can send me in forms of encouragement, advice and criticism.

Thank you immediately to my family, Cissy, Andy and Joe for your love and support. It helps.